oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
jump out the window naked night went bad
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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