Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
