just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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