Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
