I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
