I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
