i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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