my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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