I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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