and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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