We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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