Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize