I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
