i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
