Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize