Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
