Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
