you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
