Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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