I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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