I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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