It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
