I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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