Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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