Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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