I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
