There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize