I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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