yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
