I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
