i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
