I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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