before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
