I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
