Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
