I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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