Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
