oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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