i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
