you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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