We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
