I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Someone signed my nipple.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
