i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
