$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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