If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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