Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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