I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
