how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's official drugs can't kill me
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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