I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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