mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
