What a fucking waste of an outfit
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You are the jesus of drinking
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
