He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I party with great urgency now.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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