dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
