You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just pee around me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
