Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
