i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
