just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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