Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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