STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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