Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
