So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
