I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize