Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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