I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
