we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
