I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
