Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
