i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
