It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
