This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
