Cold hands, warm shart.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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