So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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