ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
