So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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