If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
