Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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