Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
