Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
