just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize