i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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