one might say we're banned from that church
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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