Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Randomize
