this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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