Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
