It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the condom got lost in my hair
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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