Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
