Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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