I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
