Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
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