Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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