Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
