So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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