I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
