goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
