is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
