Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize