Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
