why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I look better un-naked...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
