I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
sarcasm needs its own font
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
