found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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