Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
