Screwed.edu
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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